Hello World from CancerConqueror!

October 30, 2009 by Beverly

REmission Accomplished!

So I’m Beverly. I’m 39 years old, and I have spent this most recent year of my life healing from breast cancer. Stage IIB /3A invasive ductal carcinoma with lymph node involvement. I’ve spent most of my career as a technical writer in Austin, TX, but I’m completely new to blogging.

I’ve wanted to blog because in my cancer journey, I found a lot of things on the internet that made me more scared that I would die of my cancer; but I did not find a plentiful supply of things that made me feel more hopeful that I would not die of my cancer. I’d like this to be part of the latter.

In twelve-step programs they speak of sharing “experience, strength, and hope” with each other, and I’d like to borrow that term for what’s offered here.

At the same time, I don’t want to minimize the fear and devastation we cancer patients feel when we get our diagnosis. Yes, I think it’s a good idea to keep our heads in a positive space as much as we can, but I want to always

acknowledge that for many of us, when we’re in the middle of our cancer ordeals, that’s just not realistic … or even fair … to expect. I think we have to have permission to be terrified and/or angry and/or depressed as hell … or whatever else we feel without being made to feel weak or bad if we don’t “stay positive.” Getting through cancer is an arduous process that encompasses the whole gamut of feelings, all of which, I think, are valid.

So why “Cancer Conqueror?”

For some reason, for me, the term “Survivor” has always evoked a tattered, barely-alive cast-away sort of figure (these days, usually emerging from the jungle in some reality tv show). And I know there’s an element of that for most of us when our treatments are over. We ARE ravaged by the physical assault of the “medicine” as well as the mental torture of facing death and wondering how our lives, our loved ones, even, for some, our children, might be robbed by this disease. But I wanted a term to better reflect the other side of the experience as well. There IS more to us than that. I think we can come out on the other side as strong whole people with our heads high and our lives deeply affirmed by the whole experience.

So let’s talk about it all here. Our fears, as well as our joys. Our anguish, as well as our “experience, strength, and hope” that will let us, ultimately, believe that it’s all gonna be ok. Because it is.